


Turning a nightmare into a dream

by Kapoen



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depressed Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Good Sibling Eskel (The Witcher), Good Sibling Lambert (The Witcher), Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29425110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kapoen/pseuds/Kapoen
Summary: Geralt’s  homophobic father finds out Geralt kissed a boy on a party. He is really angry and tells Geralt his brothers will kick him out as soon as they find out. Geralt believes him and is disgust with himself. He can’t tell his brothers and decides to leave himself. Will his brothers really hate him? And who is that man with the guitar that tries to help Geralt?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Kudos: 42





	1. Drinking

**Author's Note:**

> English isn’t my first language so there will be spelling- and grammar mistakes. I’m sorry, I hope you like this fic anyway.
> 
> Warning: in this story Geralt finds out he’s gay. Not everyone is supportive. There is even talk about having therapy to get rid of those feelings and getting better. So if you don’t want to read about this subject turn back. 
> 
> Being gay is normal and okay. Sadly enough there are still people who don’t believe this. Please be kind to each other and respect everyone no matter what gender they love. 👨❤️👨👨❤️💋👨❤️💕

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt drinks for the first time after a terrible day.

Chapter 1 Drinking

Geralt threw his beer cane on the floor. He was drunk, he knew he was. He got a wine bottle from the floor, it was still half full and started drinking from it. It didn’t taste like anything anymore. He needed more alcohol. He needed to forget and quick. 

"I think you had enough". A hand took the bottle from his mouth Geralt tried to stop the person by trying to move the bottle away, which resulted in a lot of wine on his face and chest. He looked up angry at the wine thief. Where did the person even come from?

Lambert stood above him and he looked angry. "You are completely drunk, lying in just your boxers on the floor at four in the afternoon. While we have a dinner guest. Eskel will arrive with him in ten minutes, what on earth is wrong?” Lambert was yelling but Geralt didn’t care. 

He turned his back to Lambert. "Go away, please, go away" he begged. He felt a beer cane pinching in his knee and he moved to get it. He still wasn’t drunk enough. He could still feel the pain. The pain needed to stop. Lambert stopped him, pushing the beer cane away from him. 

"You never drink so much alcohol, what happened?" Lambert sounded concerned now and a bit amused at the same time. Lambert was the one that usually got drunk not Geralt. 

Geralt looked at Lambert and smiled. "You are the youngest brother, you're not supposed to worry. You don’t care about me, you will hurt me". He wasn’t sure why he said that. It didn’t make sense. Lambert never hurt him or any other of his person. But the thought that Lambert maybe was going to hurt him was enough to make him say ridiculous things. 

Lambert kneeled next to him. "And an older brother isn't supposed to get drunk in the middle of the day, you drank enough to go into a coma. Do you want that?" He pushed Geralt, his white sweaty hair out of his face. 

"What if I do?" Geralt whispered, in a coma you couldn’t think. He needed to stop thinking. 

Lambert stood up abruptly. "Well I'm not letting you. You have ten seconds to get up and take a shower or I will help you. And you won’t like that I promise". Geralt knew Lambert meant it. 

Geralt licked his lips. "I knew you are always looking for sex and like to shower with girls, but your own brother" he joked. Maybe Lambert would take it as an insult and he would back off. Maybe he would even hate Geralt now because of his stupid joke. It was a mean joke even. 

"You don't get rid of me by insulting me, big bro. You're too drunk and I love you too much come on". Lambert said while trying to get him up. He tried to grip Geralt his arm and tried to pull him away from the couch where Geralt was leaning heavily against. 

Geralt gripped the coach tight and started screaming. "Let go of me. I hate you. Let go. You will hate me" he yelled with all the energy he had left.

Lambert let go of him, kneeled next to him and tried to look him in his yellow eyes. “Why would I hate you?” Lambert asked gently, Geralt never heard him talk so soft before. He opened his mouth to tell his brother everything that happened that day. Maybe there was a small chance Lambert wouldn’t hate him. A really small chance. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath. 

"What the hell is going on here?" He knew that voice. Geralt and Lambert both froze. He turned his head to the voice and saw Eskel with two other guys standing in the door opening. One was holding a guitar. Great this was just great, just fantastic! 

"He has been drinking too much, something is wrong with him". Lambert explained to their brother. 

Eskel walked over to them. "What? What on earth happened to Geralt? Explain now!" Eskel demanded answers from Lambert and Geralt. Eskel didn’t like not knowing what was going on in his own house. 

Geralt turned his head away. He couldn’t face them. "Answer me now Geralt! You don't ever drink" Eskel pressed. Geralt didn’t answer and Eskel made a frustrating sound. 

"I will put him under a cold shower and in bed we can talk in the morning," Lambert decided. Eskel nodded and turned to their guests, probably to apologize. Geralt felt ashamed of himself. 

Geralt didn't fight back this time when Lambert forced him to stand up and manhandled him to the bathroom. A cold shower sounded right. He didn’t deserve nice things. Soon he would be alone and hated by everyone he cared about. 

He let Lambert undress him. He knew there were tears on his cheeks. Why was he crying? Well he was going to miss his brothers when they kicked him out. He would never feel Lambert, his gentle hands patting his long white hair again. 

He was pushed under the shower. It wasn’t cold, not very warm either but definitely not cold. Lambert kept a hand on his arm like he was expecting Geralt to fall down any moment. ‘It isn’t cold,’ Geralt said surprised.

‘What is going on in your head Geralt? Please tell me?’ Lambert asked while he squeezed Geralt his arm. Geralt shook his head. He wasn’t going to tell Lambert anything now. He would tell them tomorrow. He would enjoy one last night in his soft bed. 

Lambert turned the shower off and wrapped Geralt in a big fluffy towel. He was pushed out of the bathroom and in his bedroom. Lambert moved the blankets away and pushed him to lay down. 

Lambert tucked him in and sat down on the side of the bed. ‘Geralt there is nothing that would make me hate you. Please tell me what happened. I will help you, I promise’. Geralt closed his eyes, he couldn’t handle the kind words of his brother right now. He turned his head away when Lambert tried to pat his hair. He didn’t deserve kindness like that. 

‘Don’t promise something you won’t be able to live up to’ he whispered and closed his eyes. Lambert would regret those words in the morning. Geralt couldn’t blame him. He probably couldn’t imagine what Geralt was hiding. 

‘Oh Geralt, I wish you would tell me’ Lambert whispered before he left the room. Geralt was alone now. He opened his eyes and looked around in his room. He would miss it, just like he would miss his brothers. He would even miss there fights and stupid jokes. His eyes felt heavy. He needed to sleep. He let the sleep take him. One last piece full night. Somewhere in the house he heard soft guitar music, it was probably a dream.


	2. Dinner guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian takes his brother to a dinner with some co-workers.

Chapter 2 Jaskier: Dinner guests 

Jaskier was waiting for his brother in front of his college. His guitar on his back. Julian was late again. He was late a lot these days. Ever since he had this new job as a financial expert he spent more and more time with his co-workers and less with Jaskier. 

A big black car stopped in front of him. A window rolled down. Julian smiled at him. “Get in brother”. Jaskier sighed this wasn’t Julian’s car. He climbed in and a big man with a scar on his face turned around to greet him. 

“Hello I’m Eskel, a co-worker of Julian” Jaskier shook his hand and leaned back. They didn’t even bother to tell him where they were going. This wasn’t the way home. 

“Julian, I like to go home,” he told his brother. Julian sighed, probably irritated by Jaskier. 

“We are having dinner with Eskel and his brothers, Jaskier,” Julian told him. Jaskier wanted to tell him he didn’t want to have dinner but he didn’t think Julian would care about that. And he shouldn’t argue with Julian especially not since Julian paid for everything. Their house, Jaskier’s school, their car and he even gave Jaskier pocket money. He was a good bother.

They arrived at a big apartment complex with expressive houses. Eskel parked the car and Eskel and Julian stepped out. Jaskier followed them. He didn't like Julian’s co-workers. They were loud and they were so full of themselves. Eskel probably wouldn’t be any different.

Eskel opened the door and they walked in. “What the hell is going on here?" Eskel yelled. Jaskier peeked around him. A man with white hair was sitting on the ground surrounded by beer canes. He was drunk, really drunk. Another guy was leaning next to him. He was trying to pull the drunk guy up. It was amusing to see how embarrassed Eskel was. Jaskier wanted to laugh but he didn’t dare. The drunken man was quite handsome, he had muzzles and beautiful white hair. If he wasn’t so drunk Jaskier would have flirted with him for sure. 

"He has been drinking too much, something is wrong with him". The not drunken man explained to them. He looked quite concerned. Jaskier looked at Julian. Julian was annoyed. This dinner was probably important or something. He didn’t want a drunken guy here. 

Eskel walked over to them. "What? What on earth happened to Geralt? Explain now!" Eskel demanded answers from both the men. Geralt was the drunken man apparently, the name fit him. 

Geralt turned his head away. "Answer me now Geralt! You don't ever drink" Eskel pressed. Geralt didn’t answer and Eskel made a frustrating sound. Jaskier wished Julian hadn’t changed that much normally they would joke and laugh about a scene like this for days but now Julian would probably tell him not to make fun of the family members of his coworkers. 

"I will put him under a cold shower and in bed we can talk to him in the morning," Lambert told Eskel. Eskel nodded and turned to Julian and Jaskier. “I’m very sorry for this. I have no idea what’s gotten into my brother” Eskel said. 

Julian patted Jaskier his back hard. “Well, I know how it is to have a brother. Jaskier here has a nose for trouble too” Jaskier looked angry at Julian why did he always have to insult him. 

Jaskier watched Lambert forcing Geralt to stand up and manhandle him out of the room. Somehow he wanted to see Geralt again. 

“Julian go play with your guitar while Eskel and I talk. I called a taxi for you” Julian told him. Jaskier sat down on the couch like he was a little child. Apparently he wasn’t needed for dinner anymore. He probably had been here to keep Geralt company while the important brothers talked business. 

He played soft melodies on his guitar until the taxi arrived. Julian gave him fifteen dollars to pick up a pizza on his way home. “Don’t wait up. I’m probably home late” Julian told him. 

Jaskier just nodded and left the house. 

~

The next morning Jaskier woke up from the sound of his phone. He looked at the screen. Julian. Didn’t his brother go home last night? He picked up the phone. 

“Jul?” He asked, still half asleep.

“Ah Jaskier, there is a taxi on his way to pick you up. You need to bring me that blue suit that is hanging next to the front door. See you soon” Julian hung up. He didn’t even ask if Jaskier had plans. Well he hadn’t, but Julian didn’t know that. Or well, he probably did know that. Jaskier climbed out his bed and dressed. 

He was just finished when the taxi arrived. They went back to Eskel’s house. Did his brother spend the night there? Jaskier climbed out of the taxi and walked to the right apartment. He knocked on the door. 

Lambert opened the door. “Ah Julian’s brother,” he said. Jaskier smiled and walked in. Julian and Eskel were eating breakfast together. 

“Ha Jask, I fell asleep on the couch, thank you for bringing me my suit” Julian said, taking the suit and he disappeared in a room. He didn’t even ask if he was allowed in that room. Jaskier watched Eskel’s flushed cheeks. His brother definitely didn’t fall asleep on the couch he thought. He guessed Eskel and Julian slept together. Eskel was Julian’s type. He couldn’t finish his thought because Eskel and Lambert started to argue. 

“You stay home with him,” Eskel said to Lambert. Lambert shook his head.

“I can't, I took care of him yesterday now it’s your turn”. Jaskier understood they looked for someone to stay with Geralt. The white haired, sexy, drunk man. 

“I can stay,” he suddenly said. “I’m studying to become a nurse and it's not like I have anything better to do,” both brothers looked at him. 

“Alright, pay him,” Eskel said. Lambert opened his wallet and threw four hundred dollars on the table.

“That is so much,” Jaskier said. He could buy so many things with that. Lambert just smiled. “Don’t let him do anything stupid our phone numbers are on the fridge”.

Jaskier nodded. “He is in good hands,” he told them.


	3. The man with the guitar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt wakes up and finds a stranger in his kitchen.

Chapter 3 The man with the guitar

Really slowly Geralt opened his eyes. The room was too bright. His head hurt. He shouldn’t move. What happened? Did he hit his head? Why did he feel so bad?

Oh, he remembered. Vesemir! Oh god! Oh no! His brothers would demand answers soon. He should tell them, before Vesemir did. Vesemir wouldn’t spare them any details. He swallowed. 

He needed to pee badly so he couldn't stay in bed much longer. He also needed to pack his back. What do you take when you become homeless? Clothes? A blanket? A wintejacket? Food? Money? Or a knife? He didn’t know and never thought about it before. 

How late was it anyway? He looked at his alarm clock. Ten in the morning? He never slept in so late. Lambert and Eskel probably already left for work. That did give him some time to pack. And to think of a way to his brothers. Maybe he could write a note? It was cowardly but he was already disgusted with himself so being a coward wouldn’t make it any worse. 

Geralt sat up like he was an old man, everything hurt, and then he had to make a run to the bathroom to vomit. His stomach definitely hadn’t agreed with his drinking. He had a hangover his first ever and he felt bad, he felt very ill. Why did people drink when they knew they would feel like this in the morning? His head wouldn’t stop hurting. Great, he would start his first day as a homeless person in pain! He shouldn’t forget to take painkillers with him. 

The night before was a bit fussy from the moment where he picked up his first beer cane. He remembered Lambert being there at some time and Eskel? He wasn’t sure. Did Lambert push him under a shower or was it Eskel? 

Suddenly he realized he was naked. Since when did he sleep naked? Did somebody undress him? He slowly stood up and turned the shower on. His last shower. He didn’t know what he found worse. The fact that his brother would hate him or that he would become a homeless person. Probably the hate in their eyes. Yeah, that would be the worst. Seeing the people you love and grow up with turning from loving you to hating you.

He swallowed and wiped the few tears in his eyes away. It was his own fault. Vesemir was right, he was disgusting! 

He let the warm water calm him a bit. He could do this. He would survive. He took a deep breath and turned the shower off. He dried himself and went to his room to get dressed. He could do this! No matter how many times he told himself that, he stiol didn’t start believing it. 

He walked to the kitchen. Expecting to find one of his brothers there. Everytime he was sick or not feeling well, one of them stayed at home with him. Or they hired, mostly a nurse, someone to do so. We had stayed home as well when Eskel broke his leg or when Lambert had a high fever. 

His brothers weren’t in the kitchen. There was a young guy in his kitchen sitting on a chair with a guitar. He had never seen him before! He was very attentive, Geralt thought. Why did he think that? A wave of panic hit him. He didn't take a strange guy home did he. Oh god! He must have. Did Lambert and Eskel know already? Maybe he could make the guy leave before they found out. He definitely didn’t want to be kicked out in front of a stranger. 

"I hadn't expected you before noon. Geralt is it?" The stranger with big blue eyes and brown hair asked. The man put his guitar away, it had been laying on his lap. He nodded slowly to the guy. "Who are you again?". They didn’t even tell each other their names. Or at least Geralt didn’t remember the guy's name. This was bad!

The guy walked over to him. "I'm Jaskier, don't worry I was invited here". Geralt narrowed his eyes. Ouch that hurt his head. 

“Yeah I invited you here, about that” he stopped and Jaskier looked strangely at him. He took a deep breath. How do you ask someone politely to leave? Especially as you probably just slept with them. 

"No, you did not. Your brother Eskel had a meeting with my brother Julian last night, he fell asleep on your couch. He asked me to bring him a clean suit. When I arrived your brothers were fighting who had to stay here to watch their depressed drunk brother, you. They both had to work. It was my day off and I hadn't anything better to do, so I offered to stay here. Your tv is twice as big as mine. Besides that I'm studying to become a nurse". Jaskier explained. Like it was normal that you got hired to babysit a grownup man who got too drunk. 

Geralt sighed and it did sound like his brothers. They would leave a stranger in their house if it would mean that they could work instead of babysitting their oldest brother. It wasn’t the first time something like this happened. Well it would be the last, since well, you know they would make him leave soon. 

He did want Jaskier to leave right now. He needed to pack his backpack and he wanted to walk around the house one more time. Maybe he could copy some pictures. For example that one from the camping trip he and his brothers went on last year.

"I'm fine you can go, Jaskier," Geralt told the blue eyed man. Please just go, he thought desperately. I need some time alone. 

Jaskier shook his head. "They paid me too much for that. Well I'm going to make you some light breakfast and find the best hangover painkillers you own. Why don't you sit down” Geralt tried to guess how much his brothers would have paid this guy to do this. Probably a few hundred dollars. 

‘How much?’ he asked. He probably had to pay his brothers back when they found out about his secret. He didn’t deserve their kindness at the moment. Especially not after his behavior. 

‘Four hundred dollars, they must like you a lot’ Jaskier joked. Geralt shook his head. If Jaskier knew the truth. He took a deep breath. He needed to pack. 

‘I’m going back to my bedroom for a bit” he told Jaskier. He needed to start packing his stuff. Jaskier nodded and Geralt left the room. 

He took out his biggest backpack and started to look at his clothes. What was warm and a decent quality? He couldn’t afford new clothes soon. So he needed to take things that would survive a lot of cold nights on park benches and under bridges. 

He eventually settled on two pairs of dark jeans, a sweater and a few t-shirts. He was just going through his socks when he saw the small red box. It was his mother’s necklace. He froze. She would be so disappointed. Vesemir was her husband, the love of her life. Tears started to float over his cheeks. He shook his head and remembered the day before. The day he lost everything. It was his own fucking fault!


	4. Guitars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier babysit Geralt.

Chapter 4: Jaskier: 

Jaskier was sitting on the coach he was playing some songs. Julian had been quite happy that Jaskier had offered to babysit Geralt. He guessed Eskel was really important for him. Maybe Julian was in love with Eskel. Jaskier wanted his brother to have a happy and healthy relationship. Eskel seemed like a good guy. Someone that could make Julian happy. 

Jaskier swallowed, he felt like a failure next to his brother. Julian was so successful and Jaskier well, he wasn’t. He was doing his best in college but he failed four classes already. Julian paid a tutor but it didn’t help much. Julian told him it didn’t matter as long as he did his best. 

Jaskier loved his music and he wished he could live from that. He secretly wanted to droppee out college and start a little music school. He could teach children and adults to play the guitar and piano. He didn’t tell Julian yet.

Julian would be supportive and probably help him with everything, but his brother wished Jaskier would finish college. Jaskier could understand that. It would give him better career options and a degree was something you could always fall back on. 

Jaskier wished he could finish college but deep down he knew it was just a matter of time before he would drop out. 

~

It was around eleven when he heard Geralt rushed to the toilet, properly to vomit. Geralt had a big hangover. You couldn’t drink that much and leave your bed feeling well. Jaskier sighed and waited until Geralt entered the kitchen. 

“I hadn't expected you before noon. Geralt is it?" He asked kindly. Geralt was looking shocked at him. 

"Who are you again?". Geralt asked, he looked like he was searching his mind to find Jaskier’s name. Jaskier put his guitar away and walked over to Geralt; 

"I'm Jaskier, don't worry I was invited here" he explained to Geralt, he didn’t think Geralt would remember last night. Geralt narrowed his eyes. He was thinking hard about everything Jaskier told him. It must hurt his head. 

“Yeah I invited you here, about that” Geralt stopped and Jaskier looked strangely at him. Why did Geralt think he invited Jaskier here? 

"No, you did not. Your brother Eskel had a meeting with my brother Julian last night, he fell asleep on your couch. He asked me to bring him a clean suit. When I arrived your brothers were fighting who had to stay here to watch their depressed drunk brother, you. They both had to work. It was my day off and I hadn't anything better to do, so I offered to stay here. Your tv is twice as big as mine. Besides that I'm studying to become a nurse. So if you need advice for handling that hangover". Jaskier explained to Geralt he hoped Geralt wouldn’t be mad or something. 

It took Geralt a long time to answer. Jaskier didn’t mind he just waited, 

"I'm fine you can go, Jaskier," Geralt told him then. Jaskier couldn’t do that, Geralt didn’t look like he was in his right mind and Jaskier wanted to learn more about the white haired man. 

Jaskier shook his head. "Your brothers paid me too much for that. Well I'm going to make you some light breakfast and find the best hangover painkillers you own. Why don't you sit down” he tried to smile kindly to Geralt, he hoped Geralt would start to trust him and not kick him out. 

‘How much?’ Geralt asked. Jaskier thought about the money in his pocket. 

‘Four hundred dollars, they must like you a lot’ Jaskier joked. Geralt didn’t look like he found the joke funny. He looked at the floor and then to Jaskier. 

‘I’m going back to my bedroom for a bit” he told Jaskier. Jaskier nodded. Geralt propebly had a big headache. Jaskier understood that he wanted to lay down. 

~

Geralt was gone a long time. Jaskier started to get worried. What if Geralt did something to himself or cocked on his vomit.

He went to the bedroom and knocked on the door. There was no reaction. Jaskier knocked harder. “Geralt” he yelled. 

‘Geralt’ he tried again. 

‘Geralt, open the door’ still nothing. This was bad. Did he need to call the police? Geralt’s brothers, or break down the door? 

Geralt, please answer the door or I will kick it down" he told him. He had know idea how to break down a door but he would try if necessary. He would just kick it really hard he guessed. 

“One second. I'm fine I will come out in a second.” Geralt yelled back. Jaskier felt relieved. Good, Geralt wasn’t dead, he wouldn’t have to break his foot when he tried to kick down the door, 

"Great, you are still alive. Are you sure you are fine. I yelled for five minutes or something ". Jaskier answered he wasn’t convinced that Geralt was really fine. Had he been asleep? 

‘Yeah, I was just,....uhm just daydreaming. Yeah! I wasn’t listening. But I’m fine really’. Geralt told him through the door.

“Well just come out soon,” Jaskier said. He wanted to see that Geralt was fine himself


	5. The flashback

Chapter 5 Geralt: The flashback 

Geralt looked at his mother’s necklace and remembered what happened yesterday. 

Flashback:

Geralt was at work. He walked to Vesemir’s office. His boss slash father wanted to see him. It was probably about that supid project for the mayor he was working on. Vesemir wanted to become friends with the mayor so he was supervising the project closely. 

He knocked on the door. "Enter" he walked in Vesemir, sitting behind his desk uncle Coën was standing beside him with a smile on his face that meant nothing good. Uncle Coën liked it when people made mistakes or made some kind of fault. He loved to lecture people and feel better then them, 

"Good to see you. That you could find time in your busy schedule to see me, Geralt" Vesemir told him. Geralt nodded. 

"Of course what can I do for you uncles". Vesemir drank his coffee slowly before putting the cup down and looking directly at Geralt. 

"I always saw potential in your son, not as much as in Coën and Aiden but you're my son so it was possible for you to get as good as they are” Vesemir started. “You can't help it that your mother died young and you couldn't take that. But anyway. Your uncle’s Coën and Aiden and I did our best to raise you to become a good man". 

He hated it when Vesemir acted like this. His mom was very sick. His father couldn’t handle the death of his wife and left the moment Geralt turned eighteen. Leaving him to care for the twelve year old Eskel and ten year old Lambert. He did more than his best. He raised them, fed them and made sure they had the best possible childhood possible. His father didn’t do much to help them. 

"I'm disappointed in you, I'm ashamed to be your family Geralt". What did he do? He didn’t remember doing anything wrong? Was it one of his projects? Did he make a mistake?

"Coën delivered me some pictures. One with you flirting with a man, one pricture with you kissing some random other man and one with you entering a gay strip club. How could you". Oh no! They should never have found out that Geralt was experimenting with his feelings. He only just found out a few weeks ago he liked man more than women. 

Coën probably put a private detective on him. He couldn't help he had an identity crisis coming on since he kissed Valdo playing true or dare. He never expected to like something like that. The strip club was to find out if it was just a one time thing or not. It wasn't. He met Valdo there again and one thing led to another. He was sure now he was gay. 

"I can explain that". He needed to explain he knew that being gay was bad, very bad. 

Vesemir held his hand up, shaking his head. "I don’t care, you're fired. Go pick up your stuff and give your phone, car keys and laptop to the front desk lady. Out of my sight. Coën and I need to find a replacement for you. You are pathetic and a disappointment. If Eskel and Lambert hear of this they will kick you out. They know how ashamed I will be of you. How could you? After everything they did for you. I would have kicked you out myself if I could. I hope they do as well. Your mother was so nice, I’m glad she didn't have the chance to out about this. She would be heartbroken. Please go. I will inform your brothers within a week. If I was you I was in another state by then". 

Geralt didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t lose his job, his home, his brothers. He needed uncle Vesemir to understand. Geralt swallowed. "I can explain those pictures". 

Vesemir sighed deeply. "Even if you could and they were untrue. Why did you visited an homo erotic website on your laptop. We checked your history". That was true he visited a site with tips how to be gay in religious families. He should never have used his work laptop for that. Stupid!

He abruptly decided he wasn't gay. He couldn’t be. Everything was a mistake. A girl would feel the same right? He just didn’t meet the right one yet.

"I will go, please let me tell it to my brothers myself" he asked. He needed to tell them, he couldn’t let Vesemir do that. Or worse Coën!

Vesemir nodded. "Well because you're my son and I feel so sorry for Michael and Lambert I will even offer to pay for the therapy sessions you can follow in North Carolina. If you complete the program I will even look for a spot in my company for you. not as high as your old one of course . But I care for you. I really hope you will get better. You don’t have to live like this’. 

Geralt didn't feel sick. "I don't think that is necessary uncle, I will never like a boy again. Please believe that. I was just confused , those feelings were wrong. I know that now. Please give me another chance" he begged. 

Vesemir sighed. "That's why you have to go to that therapy center. They have great programs for men like you. They can cure you. Think about it, go now!"

Geralt couldn’t do anything else then leave the office while he was shaking badly. His life was over. 

‘Geralt’

‘Geralt, open the door’

Geralt, please answer the door or I will kick it down". Geralt felt like he was waking up. He shook his head. The kitchen guy… what was his name….Jaskier…. Jaskier was knocking on his bedroom door.

“One second. I'm fine I will come out in a second.” He yelled back. 

"Great, you are still alive. Are you sure you are fine. I yelled for five minutes or something ". Jaskier answered he didn’t sound convinced.

‘Yeah, I was just,....uhm just daydreaming. Yeah! I wasn’t listening. But I’m fine really’. He needed to dry his tears and leave this room before Jaskier really kicked down the door. He couldn’t leave his brothers with a broken door.


	6. You’re not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier is nice to Geralt

Chapter 4 You’re not alone

Jaskier was waiting for him in the kitchen. "Why the hell didn't you answer the first six times I knocked. I was going to take the door down. I was afraid you slipped, got a heart attack or even was doing something bad to yourself" Jaskier yelled. Geralt understood his anger. But Jaskier could go home, just leave him. 

Geralt sighed heavily. "Doing something bad to myself? like what?" He didn’t understand what Jaskier meant by that. He had already done something bad. He kissed a boy. What else could he have done that was bad. 

Jaskier pushed a plate with a sandwich to him. "I don’t know. They didn’t tell me more then your were a bit depressed and decided to drink yourself in a coma. Don’t blame me for becoming a bit nervous when you lock yourself in the bedroom and don’t answer” Jaskier explained. Geralt sighed again, he guessed he could follow that though. He could really understand that, Jaskier probably thought he was really depressed. Maybe he would have reacted the same way if it was the other way around. 

“I was just thinking” he tried to explain, because he felt like he owed Jaskier at least some kind of explanation.

“About what, because it clearly made you cry" Jaskier asked while he tried to cacht Geralt his eyes. Geralt looked away he seposed his eyes were still red. He sat down at the table and looked at his plate. He wasn’t hungry but he should eat while he still could so he took a small bite. It did taste good.

"I can't talk about it, I'm... I just can't". He felt so ashamed. Jaskier would find him disgusting. Maybe he would tell him about treatments too, he was a doctor or nurse or studying something like that. Geralt was sure which one it was. 

"Is it something physical or mental, because I promise you, there is nothing I never heard before," Jaskier asked gently. He made Geralt a glass of milk and put it on the table next to his plate.

Geralt shook his head. "No, please leave now. I'm fine, go save some lives in the hospital. I can’t tell anyone what’s wrong. You would hate me". Jaskier was too nice to him, he didn’t deserve that. Jaskier should save his kindness for other people. 

Jaskier gave him a suprised look. "It can't be so bad that you can't tell anyone" he told Geralt kindly. 

Geralt struggled and pushed his plate away. He couldn’t eat anymore and his body felt too weird. "It is," he just said. 

Jaskier sat down at the opposite of the table. "Did it happen at your work yesterday?" he pressed. Jaskier wasn’t going to let this go. 

Geralt looked away. "I appreciate that you stayed with me but please go" he begged. He left the table himself he needed to think he went to his bedroom again. He was so confused. Was he sick? The website about being gay in religion families said he wasn't disgusting or wrong. He didn't want to go to that center that Vesemir suggested but if it was his only chance to stay with his family, he would. Did Eskel and Lambert expect him to go? Maybe Vesemir was right, maybe he did need help. He was so confused. 

Suddenly he thought back on the night with Valdo. Why had he kissed him playing truth or dare. Why hadn't he chosen truth instead of dare. He was stupid! Essi was stupid as well with her stupid games. He needed new friends. He sighed it wasn’t his friends' fault. He shouldn’t blame them. He could only blame himself. 

He took his backpack from his bed. No matter what happened he was going to leave. He had to.

"Are you going somewhere?" Jaskier asked. Why did he follow him. What was wrong with Jaskier? Why couldn’t he leave Geralt alone! The last thing he wanted was some kind of stranger who tried to tell him what to do. 

Geralt nodded he couldn't bring himself to say it. "I have to. But it’s none of your business Jaskier. Just forget you ever met me" he told him. 

Jaskier fronsed. "Why, is the police looking for you?" Geralt knew it was a joke. But it still hurts. Maybe he was some kind of criminal, he was a bad person, disgusting even. Geralt shook his head. Tears were pricking behind his eyes. He didn’t want to cry.

"Jaskier please leave" he begged. He couldn’t handle him right now. He didn’t want jokes or people trying to make him explain. 

Jaskier walked in his bedroom. "No I won't, I will call your brothers instead. Something is going on with you and I don't like it. It gives me a bad feeling. At least wait with leaving until they are home" Jaskier tried. 

Geralt opened his closet to take the last things he needed out. He couldn’t wait for his brothers. He guessed Vesemir would tell them. He suddenly didn’t want to see the hate in their eyes anymore. It was better to go now. 

"They won't be here anytime soon”. They are at work. Maybe they will be home tonight but then he is already gone. Believe me Jaskier it’s better this way". He wished Jaskier let it go, let him go. 

Jaskier took his phone put. "We will see". Geralt watched him call someone probably Lambert or Eskel. Jaskier left his room. Geralt heard him talking to someone on his phone. He started to pack faster. He needed to leave now! He could face them.

In ten minutes he was done. He closed his closet and put his shoes on. In the hall Jaskier stopped him. "You're wrong there are both in their way. They are very worried. Call them yourself if you don’t believe me. Just wait" Jaskier was now begging him. 

Geralt shook his head and put his jacket on. "Then I have to hurry”. He watched Jaskier. He should give him a message for his brothers. That was the least they deserved. “Tell my brothers Jaskier. Please tell them I love them, I’m grateful for what they have done for me and I am very sorry for everything". Tears burned in his eyes.

“Please Geralt, I can’t let you go. Not like this. I don’t know what you are telling yourself but it isn’t true. I don't know what you did. But Eskel and Lambert love you. They will always love you” Jaskier said while moving to stand in front of Geralt. Making it clear he was going to stop him from leaving. “Let them help you. Even if they don’t want or can't help you, I will. Geralt you're not alone. You hear what I say. You're not alone”.


	7. Telling the truth

Chapter 7 Telling the truth

Geralt gave him an odd look. "You don't even know me," he said. Jaskier wanted to help him but Jaskier didn’t know him or what he had done. 

Jaskier sighed and shook his head. "I know, I don’t know you yet. But I do care. I have a brother myself. He takes care of me just like Lambert and Eskel take care of you. I don't like seeing you hurting like this. If my brother ever needed help or he would feel like you do. I hope there would be people, even strangers, that they would help him". Jaskier tried to hug him. Geralt didn’t want a hug. 

Geralt tried to shake Jaskier off. "You don't understand". He was crying now. He didn’t deserve Jaskier his kind words and hugs. Jaskier threw his hands around him and embraced him more tightly. “Help me understand then,” he whispered in Geralt's ear. 

Geralt felt so safe that he leaned in the hug. He didn’t help Jaskier understand he just stood there. "It will be fine," Jaskier said gently. Geralt felt really weak suddenly. He didn't know how long he was crying on Jaskier's shoulder because it felt like seconds, but it was much longer because the front door flew open and footsteps ran to them. 

"Geralt, what’s wrong?" Lambert was home, he worked closer than Eskel. So of course he would arrive first. Geralt couldn't bring himself to answer. He shook his head. Lambert patted his back and tried to look at Geralt his face.

"Jaskier, what's going on. He never cries. He isn’t hurt, is he?" Lambert sounded scared. Geralt only saw Lambert scared one or two times before. Ones when their mother died and ones when their father left. He guessed that him trying to leave was a good situation for a third time. 

Jaskier struggled. "I don't know. He told me there was something terrible he had done and he had to leave fast". Jaskier tried to peel Geralt off him. 

Lambert took Geralt by his shoulders. "Geralt you need to talk to me, your brother". Lambert shook him a bit. "Ger, did someone hurt you, because I swear I will...". 

Geralt shook his head. "It is my fault, I will leave don't worry". He needed to leave before Lambert made him. 

Lambert shook him lightly. "I don't follow Ger. There isn't anything you could have done that would make Eskel or me throw you out, you're our little brother we love you". Geralt just cried harder because he didn’t deserve them. 

Eskel stormed in as well. "Geralt are you leaving? Why? What the hell is happening. Lambert! Did you do something?” Eskel yelled. 

Lambert gently helped Geralt to sit down on the couch and the worry is visible on his face. "Sit down Geralt. I don't know Eskel, he is just losing it. I just don't know. He didn’t explain anything to me or Jaskier” Lambert sounded really confused. 

Eskel kneeled in front of Geralt. "Focus Geralt, just like the old days, focus on my voice and breath with me, in…. and….out…. in….out..., in..., out...". Geralt followed Eskel's instructions just like he did when he had nightmares after their mother her dead. 

Slowly Geralt felt himself calm down. Lambert put a glass of water against his lips. "Slow slips Geralt. Just slow slips" he told him. 

Geralt drinks a little bit. "I'm calm". He felt so much better. Probably not for long. 

Eskel nodded. "Good, now tell me why you got so upset. Whatever it is Lambert and I will handle it for you" Eskel said. Of course they would. They tried to protect him from anything that might hurt him. Well they wouldn’t anymore as soon as they knew the truth.

Geralt took a deep breath. "Please don't be too mad, I understand that you will be but...". 

Lambert cut him off. "We won't, I don't even care if you killed someone I promise you I won't get mad". 

Geralt took a deep breath. "Dad, Vesemir fired me yesterday". 

Eskel nodded. "The bastard, I will...". 

Geralt swallowed and interrupted his brother . "Because he found out that I'm not sure if I like girls. I’m so sorry". 

Lambert's face softened that surprised Geralt. "It's that why he fired you? and why you were afraid to tell us?," he asked, shaking his head.

Geralt nodded. "Dad promised to pay for a very good therapie center to get over these feelings. After that, I can even get a new job in his company. Please I will work hard to get better so don't throw me out please "he begged them. He hoped they would forgive him.

Lambert sat down next to him. "I can't believe you thought we would throw you out for that. It doesn’t matter. I’m not even completely straight myself. I love you idiot, I still do. You don't get better, you're not even sick. It’s crazy that Vesemir even suggested that. I just wanted you to be happy and don't care if that is with a girl, boy or both". He hugged him tightly. "Eskel thinks the same about that right?" Lambert said looking at Eskel, Eskel nodded. 

"Of course. To be honest I'm relieved it’s just something small like this. I was afraid you were in serious trouble or really sick. I don’t care if your gay or not. Hell, I slept with Julian myself last night. I’m so angry at Vesemir. I didn't like you working for him to begin with. He doesn’t care about us Geralt he only cares for himself. How he can use you and let you feel bad" Eskel shook his head angrily. 

Geralt couldn't belief it. They still loved him! "I was so afraid," he hugged Lambert. “After Vesemir I was sure you would hate me. Vesemir told me how disappointed our mother would be. He was glad she was dead so she wouldn’t find out about this. She would be really ashamed of me. And he said father would kick me out. He told me you would do that. They sent a private detective after me, hacked my computer to find out” it helped to tell his brothers everything.


	8. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt talks with his brothers

Chapter 8 Happiness 

Lambert was holding him close. “Never think we will ever kick you out” he whispered. Geralt smiled hugging his brother back.

“But I don’t have a job anymore. I can’t pay my part of the rent” he started. He let Lambert go. His brothers already did so much for him. He couldn’t ask for them to pay the rent. 

"If you are looking for a job I have one" Jaskier said. Geralt turned to him because he almost forgot he was still in the room. Jaskier offered him a job? 

"I promise decent hours, nice co-workers and it’s not homophobic workplace. I’m gay myself" Jaskier explained. He looked a bit uncomfortable. 

Geralt nodded. "As what?” Jaskier was still in college. What kind of work would Geralt do for him?

Jaskier smiled. "I’m going to start a music school where people can follow lessons and practice together. I am looking for someone to help me set it up and who can manage it beside me. Would you like that ?” Geralt couldn’t believe it. Did Jaskier really offer him a job?

Geralt started to smile as well. "Yeah, I would like that very much. I don’t know much from music but I can learn," he told Jaskier. Just half an hour ago his future looked terrible and now… 

Jaskier nodded. "Good it’s full time, I think, you can start as soon as you are ready if that's ok. You can also think about it" Jaskier explained. Geralt didn’t need to think about that. 

Geralt shook his head. "No, I'm sure. Thank you Jaskier I will work as hard as I can". He had a job. Jaskier was a nice person, a very nice person. 

Jaskier laughed "Well, don't work too hard. Just do your best. That’s enough. I don’t want you to get a burn-out or something” Geralt couldn’t stop his tears now. They run over his cheeks. Vesemir always told him he didn’t work hard enough or wasn’t good enough. He wouldn’t have cared if Geralt got a burn-out. He would just tell him that he was weak. Weaker then Letho. 

Eskel handed Geralt a handkerchief. "Now. I will go tell Vesemir how I think about him. Maybe we can even sue him." Eskel said. 

Geralt swallowed. "He meant well I'm sure of that. He was willing to pay for therapy". He wasn’t sure if Vesemir deserved punishment in court. It was still their father. “Maybe…” he started 

Eskel cut him off. "Like hell he meant well. Look what almost happened because of him. I'm not letting him get away with that" Eskel was really angry Geralt even saw fire in his eyes. “I will sue him for everything he got, he is no longer family” Eskel yelled angrily. 

Lambert nodded agreeing with Eskel. "I am not going to let him get away with this either. Maybe I will look in my old blackmail archive to find something heavy about him. There must be a lot. Don’t worry Geralt, we are your brothers, we will take revenge on Vesemir for you” Lambert had an evil smile on his face, usually that meant that Lambert would end in big trouble. That was the last thing Geralt wanted. 

Geralt looked at him. "Please don't get in any trouble because of me," he pleaded. They already did so much for him and he already got a new job. Maybe they could just forget about Vesemir. 

Eskel shook his head looking at Lambert. "Lambert I share your anger but we are playing legal here, not illegal. If legal doesn’t work we can try your way". 

Lambert shook his head. "I don’t mind a little illegalness for our dearest brother, but fine I won’t play dirty this time". 

Eskel sighed heavily. "Yes, because you can't help our bro in prison" he said.

Lambert just smiled. "That sounds like a challenge to me. Don't make me prove myself". 

Jaskier coughs loudly. "So why don’t you two go back to work and I stay with your brother. To talk about his new job. We can all calm down a bit” he said.

Eskel looked at the clock. "Your right Jaskier. I'm going to see Julian and then to Vesemir but I have a meeting soon. See you tonight Geralt". He waved and walked away. “Oh, and Geralt never thinks those ridiculous things about us again or I will give you something real to cry about”. Geralt flushed embarrassed. 

Jaskier looked at Lambert. "What about me right? I have to get back as well but I will be home early so we can make pizza". Lambert gave Geralt a quick hug. “Don’t kiss Jaskier before he buys your dinner,” Lambert joked. 

Geralt smiled shyly. "If that's the cause I will keep Geralt company until after the pizza. That counts as dinner right. I will even pay" Jaskier said, looking at Geralt. 

Lambert stood up. "Well behave both of you or I will put pepper on your pizza slice" he laughed. Jaskier walked him out. 

Geralt lay down on the couch. Did Jaskier mean it? Did he like Geralt? Geralt closed his eyes. He felt Jaskier sit down next to him. Putting a hand on his hair. “Can I buy you dinner sometime Geralt?” he asked. 

Geralt smiled and nodded “yes I would like that very much” he said.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please leave a kodus if you liked the story:) I really appreciate that 😊
> 
> See you next time👋
> 
> If you want to chat, beta-read a story, have a plot suggestion for me or something completely different I’m Kapoentjes on Tumblr. I love writing so if you like something specific let me know 😊  
> Link Tumblr: https://kapoentjes.tumblr.com/


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